|
|
 |
Articles
|
|
How to make Long distance relationships work
|
|
|
CS
|
Effective communication is essential when it comes to a successful long-distance relationship. Not just how and what you communicate, but when you do it, too. It helps to establish some sort of schedule when it comes to communication, and although routine might not sound romantic, it can play an important part. Most of us feel secure with routine; it reassures us to know that something's going to happen at a certain time on a certain day. And it's this feeling that can help your relationship survive, and even flourish. Find the most convenient time to e-mail your partner and then try and stick with it and build it into your daily schedule. Make sure it provides adequate time for you to put down how your day's gone and, more importantly, how you're feeling. (If you find that first thing in the morning works best for you, then you'll have the previous day's events to write about.) You might not be able to stick to this schedule all the time, but if you know you're going to have to deviate from it then let your partner know. If you're going to be away on business and won't have access to the internet, let your partner know so they won't worry when they don't get their 9am e-mail from you. It's that aspect of communication that's as important as what you actually say in any e-mail.
Setting boundaries is also important when it comes to what you both want from the relationship. Again, it's not romantic to talk about your expectations, but if you want your long-distance relationship to have a chance of working, then you should discuss these things. It's OK to let your lover know that you don't want to be doing what you're doing in 18 months' time. Approach the subject with a "so, do you see us still doing this next September?" opener and take it from there. But try and be honest. Although you won't know how you're going to be feeling next September, let your partner know, based on what you're feeling now, how you believe you might feel and what you will be looking for where your relationship's concerned. Discussions such as these can help both parties understand the commitment each other is prepared to make to the relationship. No one wants to feel that what they're putting into the relationship isn't being matched by their partner—and that goes for anything from e-mail exchange to the number of visits each party makes.
Setting some sort of "expiry date" to the long distance aspect of your relationship is a good idea. Although you might not want to do this until you're a little more certain that he or she is "the one," once you've made up your mind, then you really don't want to feel that you're going to have to wait indefinitely before you can do all those things other couples take for granted. And when you and your partner talk about the future, try to do so in a practical and purposeful way. If you're both serious about your relationship, it shouldn't be too difficult for you both to come up with concrete suggestions to enable the two of you to be together on a daily basis.
It goes without saying that trust is paramount—in any relationship, long-distance or otherwise. In a long-distance relationship, however, sexual fidelity has to be discussed and, as with most other factors, parameters have to be set. At the beginning of your relationship, establish with your partner the boundaries where relationships with others are concerned. If you want a monogamous relationship then it's paramount that you tell your partner. Disaster awaits the person who embarks on a long-distance relationship with the attitude that she knows "he wouldn't sleep with anyone else." Admittedly, even if your partner says he doesn't want to sleep with anyone else, we all know that there are no solid guarantees in this game. But discussing this issue and agreeing on how you are going to conduct yourselves in relationships with others will give your relationship a greater chance of success.
Although you and your partner might have agreed to conduct your relationship on a monogamous basis, that doesn't stop either of you having relationships with members of the opposite sex. However, it's best to be open and transparent about any relationship you do have. This will help allay any fears your partner might have. It's OK to say you like someone, that you find them funny and enjoy their company, although a little tact is always going to soften any delivery, especially if you know your partner might be feeling a little insecure.
Just because you're in a long-distance relationship and can't spend time together, doesn't mean that you can't have a social life. It's important for people in such a relationship to have a social life and a network of friends—these can prove invaluable when it comes to offering support during those more difficult times when missing your partner has rendered you pretty low. Your partner shouldn't want you to curtail any of your social activities just because they can't join in. In fact, a loving and nurturing relationship involves wanting your other half to be happy, even if it is, at times, without you! Try not to dig too deep for facts about any nights out, especially where attractive members of the opposite sex are concerned. If you've established that you are both going to be monogamous then that should be enough.
Some tips to keep it alive...
Even though you can't go to the movies together, you can still see the same films and then discuss them afterwards. This gives an added dimension to the relationship and can help you both avoid becoming a little too "introspective." You can do the same with books.
Try and find an online game you both enjoy playing. Many of these allow you to "chat" while you're playing thereby giving you an additional channel of communication.
As important as routine can be, it's nice now and again to surprise your partner with a letter, or small gift, or even a postcard Also look out for articles in newspapers or magazines that you think your partner will appreciate reading, and send these off—again, the element of surprise adds to this gesture (this works especially well if you live in different countries and would have little chance of coming across the article otherwise). It's nice for your partner to know that you were thinking of him or her, even when doing something as ordinary as reading the paper!
Above all, keep faith in your partner, and your relationship. And then when the time comes and you can be together every day, those endless days spent wishing you could be together will seem to belong in another life. The only thing you'll be wishing for then is that he or she made the bed a little more often!
|
CS
|
|
|
