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Articles
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Break Up Advice
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Robert Torrey
http://www.new-dating.com/manage/magazine-new.php?lang=0
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Minimize Pain When Ending a Relationship
Ending a relationship is never easy. When you feel you must end a relationship most people find it challenging as they have feelings towards their partner and do not wish to hurt them.
More often than not, breaking up is as hard on the person ending the relationship as it is on the person being broken up with. Realize that a person is breaking up has nothing to do with caring about another person. Caring about somebody and wanting a relationship are not the same.
The majority of people on this planet do not like to hurt others, especially somebody they have been close to. Guilt has been used more often than not to keep relationships together. Fight this urge and believe in yourself! When you allow guilt as a way to stop a break up you not only cheat yourself out of having a good and true relationship, you’ll foster resentment towards the other person which could lead to greater pain and heartache in the future. Why would you want to be with somebody who makes you feel bad by allowing you to feel guilty? Respect yourself!
A man should exit gracefully by planning the break up, to minimize the grief caused to his partner.
Don’t just ignore her hoping she will notice and go away. You might have learned a little bit about push/pull as a term we use in seduction. That only tends to bring somebody in closer. Which is the exact opposite of what you want.
The I think you're a great girl and I don't deserve you line will seem ok to her at first, but later on she will start to resent that. She could also go into how you DO deserve her and try to convince you.
Honesty really is the best policy. Treating the relationship, and the person, with respect and dignity helps soften the blow.
When you break up, Do it in person. Show some integrity and sincerity to tell her that the relationship isn't going anywhere. In our workshops we teach how verbal communication is only 7% of the total communication between people. If she also sees closed off body language it will be easier for closure for her eventually.
Telling somebody you are breaking up in person is never easy, but you owe it to her to break the news to her personally. This means not on the phone, definitely not over e-mail, but rather, face to face where she can get eye contact and read your body language. The universal line of “we need to talk” should be given in advance. This allows her to prepare for what is coming and helps soften the blow a little bit. Do not put too much time between the “We need to talk” and actual breakup as the waiting time in between is very uncomfortable if delayed long.
On doing some research on this I read a suggestion about breaking up in the exact same place you met if possible. This is to suggest that the relationship has completed a circle. A place where she has a lot of happy memories might help neutralize some of the new sad ones.
Ending a relationship gracefully means speaking our piece without blame or judgment and not taking responsibility for another’s feelings. It is important to make eye contact,and give body language that is open while you are communicating (which suggests you are VERY open to what you are saying) than give closed off body language after finishing your piece. To suggest you are not open to hearing anything else. Say your words sincerely, leave no room for doubt, and never back down - especially when she starts to cry and you feel horrible.
Then give that person some space usually a few months at least. Do not try to get cozy with the person as this can really mess with somebody’s head a lot as they will use this as hope that you are getting back together. This is the only way to keep pain to a minimum when ending a relationship.
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Robert Torrey
http://www.new-dating.com/manage/magazine-new.php?lang=0
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