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Articles
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Recovering from a Broken Heart
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Denise Ryan
http://www.new-dating.com/
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Getting your heart broken really is one of life's worst experiences. But you can get past it. And here are some tips to help:
1.) Get back out there
You don't have to date right away, but do things you love and be social. It's easy to want to just curl up and have a pity party. Be around others and LIVE!
2.) Learn from what happened
Here are some of the things I learned from my recent break-up:
Don't give up your heart too soon.
If you are open and honest it will make you vulnerable to those who are not.
Do not assume others are like you.
Trust, but verify, especially early on or if your intuition is giving you signals.
And an oldie, but a goodie - believe people when they show you who they are – the first time. There was a red flag early on that I should have paid more attention to. But I had been so hard on so many suitors, that I thought I would give him the benefit of the doubt. Stupid.
Actions are what you should pay attention to. Words are easy and meaningless. Judge by what is done much more than what is said. However, I still think - "it's better to have loved and lost than never loved at all" is BS.
3.) Try not to beat yourself up
This is very, very hard for me. This is the part that hurts me the most. Okay, so the man didn't choose me - I've been rejected before. But to have not seen the signs, to have given so much...we will always be hardest on ourselves and it is wrong!
Like me, you did the very best you could with the information you had. If you could have seen the signs and acted on them sooner you would have.
And here's the other thing I'll do - I'll start thinking about everything that must be wrong with me, that if I were somehow better this person would have loved me.....NO! Do not do this! You are absolutely awesome just the way you are!
This person would not have chosen you in the first place if they didn't think you were great. When someone hurts you, it often tells you way more about the other person than about yourself. The right person for you will crawl over broken glass to be with you! And you deserve no less!
4.) Try to keep reaching out
Every time something like this happens I want to give up on love. But it's important to me - I really do want someone in my life - someone I could have adventures with. I am tired of travelling alone - I want someone to have fun with, to laugh with. So I'm going to have to keep taking risks (albeit smarter ones) and try not to become bitter.
You have to do the same. Keep holding your hand out, keep opening yourself up - it will be worth the wait. And think of it this way - if we shut down - the heart breakers win! We have to stay open to fight another day! We deserve to receive all the love we are willing to give.
5.) Knock him/her off the pedestal
Hey, this person wasn't perfect. Sometimes Sour Grapes is a good self preservation tactic. Remind yourself of their snoring or the way they always talked about themselves and never listened to you. Whatever they did that got on your nerves or annoyed you, remember it! Don't make them better than they were because they hurt you.
6.) Know you did right
I was completely honest in my last relationship - I was lied to, but I did not lie. I can look myself in the mirror everyday and know that I have a heart of gold (maybe a little the worse for wear, but still gold). Don't let this heartbreak change that.
ALWAYS tell the truth, even if it makes you or the other person uncomfortable to hear it. It's the only fair thing to do for everyone involved. I would rather be dumped than cheated on and lied to. That's like being dumped and being the only one who doesn't know it! Always take the high road. You have to live with yourself for the rest of your days.
7.) Be grateful
I hated to find out I was being lied to, but at least I didn't give any more of myself. Some people marry cheaters and endure years and years of agony. If you don't have trust, a relationship becomes a cage. You always wonder what the other person is doing or how you're going to keep them - you become a prisoner of doubt.
You question yourself constantly, you become suspicious and hyper vigilant. At least I'm not in that cage. I'm free to find a man who I can trust. And who wants to be with me.
If someone leaves you, it frees you to find someone who loves you. If you are strong enough to leave someone who mistreats you, it teaches them that you will not stand for that. If you stay, it teaches them it is okay to treat you like garbage.
If you stay long enough, you will believe you are garbage. Be grateful for heartbreak - it will make you appreciate real love.
8.) Celebrate yourself
It is lonelier to be with the wrong person than to be alone. It is so painful to try to connect with someone who doesn't seem to want to connect. When I find myself trying to convince someone that I am worthy of their love, I know I am with the wrong person.
It is such a lonely feeling. But if I am by myself doing something I enjoy, I am never lonely.
You are a gift! There is no one on this planet exactly like you. The right people will want to be with you. Let your uniqueness shine! Have the greatest love affair of your life - by discovering who you are. Fall in love with YOU.
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Denise Ryan
http://www.new-dating.com/
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